Serve with a celery stick to show-off to your friends your sexy presentation skills. No need to chew this meal - just glup and swallow. Put all these ingredients into the blender and blend until smooth. Unscrew carefully, watching not to slice your fingers but don't worry if you do, this will add extra flavour to your Spam Shake. Take this conveniently packaged canned meat product made from 100% pure pork and ham. Salt (if you'd need it, lo-salt is better for you)Ĭhopped parsley from your herb garden (optional but will count as one of your five-a-day fruit & vegetable portions) In fact, should you follow the recipe stated, there's a very good possibility it'll look nothing fucking like it at all.Ī blender (Kenwood shiny stainless steel looks best)ġ x can of anchovies (for extra protein levels) NOTE: The picture at the top of this page does not in any way represent the finished product described above. Sometimes it's all about the process and what you were hoping to accomplish at the time. Eat, enjoy and remember that taste isn't everything. If you don't have either, try freezing milk as an ice cream alternative. Try to fight the temptation to dive in too soon, this stuff is hot! Once sufficiently cooled, add an accompaniment such as ice cream or yoghurt. Heat for a little while until the sugar has caramelised on top. Place your bready, sugary, watery mixture in a heat-resistant dish such as one made of Pyrex or Titanium. Be careful! You'll find that you need your fingers for things later on in life. When sugar has been added, knead with fingertips for between 2 - 3 minutes, then add boiling water. If you have none of these, just pop down to your local Starbucks or Maccy Dees and nick as many sachets of sugar as you possibly can. If you have no honey, try using Nutrasweet or any popular sugar alternative. Ensure toaster is both turned off and unplugged when attempting to dislodge discarded bread matter. These can be found in breadbins or at the bottom of toasters. Even the delightful aroma produced whilst cooking will transport you back to the heady days of school canteens, pink custard and slop bins. For those in need of old school desserts, why not try the delicious Very Sticky Toffee Pudding. Think of it as time well spent in an accelerated Hawkins-eque area. Sounds long and involved with 9 steps but to be fair the whole process of creating this delight should take no more than 3/4 minutes. Garnish with fresh basil if available, if not never mind and you're done, nice! Enjoy. Sprinkle with grated Mozarella cheese (£1.09 from Tesco) and put it back under the grill with a drop of Worcester Sauce for good measure until the cheese starts to brown. When the bread starts to brown again on this side you know it's nearly time. Turn the toast and put the new tomato halves on it with a dash of olive oil, extra virgin if available. Check toast, if done*, move to step 6 (*toast to your own personal taste, I prefer a golden tinge to the toast, not too crunchy). Plastic cutlery, albeit safer, is hard work so use a proper knife, perhaps one from the latest Jamie Oliver range available from House of Fraser and other good department stores in your area. While the first side is getting a lovely browning, take those handy cherry tomatoes and chop them in half. Get some bread, put it on the grill and begin the toasting process. Call local pizza emporium, discover they are closed or won't deliver to you as they found out that the last time the local Cop Shop ordered 76 Meat Feast 18"-ers (and a skip) they seemed to use your home phone number. Sent in by Bibs Ramsey-Oliver-Worral-Thompson
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